Sunday, February 17, 2008


Producers come in several shapes and guises. A brief list below - there may be some missing in which case feel free to add.

The Time Server - one who has come up through the ranks, has no discernable talent as such but has managed to stay out of trouble.

The Safe Pair Of Hands - a good 'people person' who gets it done on time and on budget with no fuss.

The Creative Loon- doesn't give a fuck who they upset so long as their particular vision ends up on screen.

The Creative Corporate - see above, but will upset less people.

The Brother-In -Law - self explanatory

The Slummer - doesn't really give a shit but will pocket the wedge 'til something better comes along. [habitat is usually w12]

The G.O.K - as in God Only Knows how they got the job. Possibly a combination of right time, right place and loose morals.

The Eternal Optimist - an Indy producer with no money.

Okay a little tongue in cheek. Producers have a tough gig. They have to juggle time, money, internal politics and creative tantrums. In my experience as a writer the best producers are the ones who LISTEN to and digest a range of opinions. They are creative enough to see possibilities and savvy enough to dismiss what is not going to work. Then they say 'Okay you can all shut the fuck up now, this is what we're doing'

But have you noticed the huge similarities between the different types of producers and different types of writers? I could put a writer I know of in every one of those catagories. Heck I myself could fit about 3 of them depending on the day of the week.

But in all seriousness the best producers are the ones who remember that it's about ENTERTAINMENT first and MONEY second. Mmmmmm another similarity.

Don't get me wrong, I like money as much as the next guy. But to genuinely entertain takes soul first and cheque book second. Money can follow, but if it leads, you're in trouble.


Lucy said...

You missed one:

The Producer Who Wishes They Were Really A Writer But Can't Handle The Lack Of Money Or Recognition So Will Screw With Your Work As Much As They Possibly Can To Try And Get You To Do What They Want Except What They Want Is Utter Effin Drivel.

Snappy, huh? ; )

RichardB said...

Hey...same categories also fit Directors - including Lucy's addition... although you do have to add an 'I Have No Clue What I'm Doing, so I'll Just Put My Sunglasses On, Drink Coffee and Try and Sleep with the Actress, I'm Sure the Crew will Sort It Out' slot...

"The Book of Don" said...

Two more archetypes respectfully submitted -:

1. The blowjob artist. Young, eager, up-and-comer (so to speak)...irritating in their keeness. Says stupid things like "Wow ! I can't believe I actually get paid to do this job". Usually a 33 year old female. Only gets laid when drunk. Gives bad blowjobs.

2. The REMPH - army speak for "Rear Echelon Mother Fucker". Some fat fuck who has never been on a shoot or sat and stared at a blank screen in HIS life. Usually a 45 year old male. A chronic masturbator.



English Dave said...

lol Excellent suggestions all. I'm sure there are several others out there.