Monday, July 21, 2008

Executives Academy

I have spotted a niche in the market. The Holby Academy For Commissioning Executives is now open for business.

It's aim is to help create the future masters of the commissioning universe with an exciting and wide ranging curriculum, including -

How to recognize shit from shinola

How to pity writers more than scold them

How not to dumb down a great idea

There are more than six actors out there

Quality is better than ..... well just about anything

Redundancy isn't the end of the world.

The course will consist of an evening in the pub where invited special guests such as those that brought you Rock Rivals and Harley Street will attend then shut the fuck up and listen.

To take advantage of this fabulous opportunity at the low low cost of 5 grand a head [including open bar - there will be writers present hence the cost.] please make cheques payable to English Dave [Liberia] Inc - together with a photo, c.v and a statement of how you see the future of television in relation to your pension.

If anyone has any other ideas for the curriculum please feel free to add them. It is a very fluid course.


Anonymous said...

This would be hilarious if it weren't horribly true


Stephen Gallagher said...

How about, "Believe it or not, we're supposed to be in showbusiness"?

English Dave said...

KT - it's kinda laugh or cry

Stephen - excellent suggestion, as an addendum to it I'll include a module on ''You may actually need a script''

I'm also thinking of introducing a radical, outside the box, verging on heretical seminar where I suggest that production should whenever possible bend to the needs of the script and not vice versa.

Matt Cruse said...

I suggest a module where Derren Brown hypnotises the wannabe Commissioning Editors into believing that (shock! horror!) some writers can actually produce imaginative original scripts without first having to write for EastEnders, HolbyEnders, CasualtyEnders, BillEnders, etc.

Anonymous said...

Module 12:

How to hire the better aka 'difficult' writers and let them get on with it, as opposed to the arse lickers who currently pollute the system.

Some key questions to ask:

"What do you think of Holby City?"

Anyone who says 'it's great' should be blacklisted.

The sooner the licence fee is gone, the better.

English Dave said...

matt - lol, and kudos for including BillEnders.

Anon - vetoed I'm afraid. As you know, ''it's great'' is the standard response of the jobbing writer. But I'll think about ''it's brilliant''

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